Pictured left to right: James Smith with Jim O’Brien at a mentoring party earlier this fall
“I’m just a guy with a little bit of heart and some time,” explained Wilton resident Jim O’Brien when asked about his involvement in Project Friendship, the mentoring program at Family & Children’s Agency (FCA) in Norwalk. Mr. O’Brien and his “Little Friend,” eight-year-old James Smith, have been together for about a year, and they clearly enjoy each other’s company.
Unlike school-based mentoring programs, Project Friendship is a community-based program that allows a mentor to become more fully involved in a child’s life. FCA has two “divisions” in its mentoring program – Project Friendship involves adults, and Jr. Project Friendship includes high school students, all of whom work with children ages 6 through 14. Project Friendship, celebrated its 35th anniversary in 2009, and Jr. Project Friendship has been running for 25 years. This year, 28 adults from Darien, Norwalk, Rowayton, Stamford, Westport and Wilton are involved in the program, along with over 50 students from those communities as well as New Canaan, Ridgefield and Weston.
While participating in the Norwalk Public Schools Mentor Program, Mr. O’Brien saw a newspaper article about FCA’s program and decided to explore it further. Based on his experience, he views Project Friendship as better for himself because, he explained, “You can make more of a connection (with the student).”
James and Mr. O’Brien spend about three hours a week on activities like going to movies, practicing different sports, and “playing army” at the O’Briens’ home. James noted, “It’s fun to go to Jim’s house, because he has a really big house and a really BIG yard. Sometimes we see how far we can hit a baseball. And sometimes we go to watch lacrosse.” James added, “Sometimes we talk about stuff, too, like how I’m doing in school and how it’s going at home.”
The mentoring match works for Mr. O’Brien because he wanted a boy who would be interested in sports, being “a big sports guy” himself. He considers James “the best kid you could ever get, because he’s so outgoing and ready to try new things.” Mr. O’Brien has two girls of his own who are much older than James, and he says that his daughters and his wife all love James. He hopes to continue the relationship with James throughout the boy’s school career.
From her perspective, James’ mother, Christina Bernini, appreciates the match because she sees that her son is “becoming more able to trust a male figure.” She continued, “He really looks forward to getting together with Jim, and afterwards he tells me everything they did.” Mr. O’Brien also talks to Ms. Bernini at least once a week, and he is able to support her as a parent through his connection with James. She views Mr. O’Brien as an important part of James’ life, saying, “He really looks up to Jim, and sometimes Jim is the only one he’ll listen to.”
As a community-based program, Project Friendship allows mentors much more freedom in choosing how, when and where to spend time with their mentees. For that reason, FCA staff members are more involved in creating the matches and monitoring the relationships on an ongoing basis. Lucie Connell, Supervisor of Mentoring Programs at FCA, explained, “Our program does so much, providing activities that mentors and mentees can share, but also showing the students different ways of life and providing them with another welcoming adult who will be available for them.”
When setting up a mentoring relationship, the initial focus is on making sure that a mentor understands the philosophy and purpose of the program. After a potential mentor completes an application, he or she has an interview with Mrs. Connell or another FCA staff member, and FCA also conducts a complete background check on the applicant. Part of the process involves determining a basis for the match. Big Friends can specify the gender, age range and interests for a Little Friend, and Little Friends and their parents also can specify characteristics they are seeking in mentors.
Once a match is made, mentors are invited to attend monthly meetings to share ideas for activities and other ways to connect with their Little Friends. Mrs. Connell noted, “It can be challenging at first to figure out what each person’s role should be and how the relationship should work. We have a lot of experience in working through this adjustment period with the adults and children in our program.” High school students participating in Jr. Project Friendship have their own group meetings at their individual schools.
Active monitoring of each relationship continues for three years, with Big and Little Friends periodically completing evaluations of the program and talking to FCA staff members about their experiences. Mrs. Connell noted that she and other FCA staff members are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to talk to mentors and mentees about any issues that arise. FCA also sponsors events like a Halloween party and a holiday party, when mentors and mentees can enjoy time together with others in the program.
Mr. O’Brien feels that FCA “really does a great job” of supporting the volunteers and students in the program, providing tickets to local attractions and sponsoring events that mentors and mentees can share. Although mentoring involves a time commitment, he said, “I would recommend it to anyone who has the time. It’s a great experience.”
Family & Children’s Agency is a non-profit family service organization meeting the needs of more than 10,000 individuals – including children, adults and families – throughout Fairfield County. Skilled professionals serve clients in seven impact areas: youth development, family strengthening, foster care, adoption, behavioral health, homeless services, and services for seniors. For every dollar donated to FCA, 89 cents goes directly to help clients in these program areas. For more information on mentoring and other FCA programs and services, visit www.familyandchildrensagency.org or call Mrs. Connell at Family & Children’s Agency at (203) 855-8765.
