“No parent wants to see a child in pain,” says Tiffany McCarthy, a licensed clinical social work and Director of the Parent Education Program at Family & Children’s Agency. In a divorce, though, parents are often so focused on their own situations that they ignore their children. “From the adult perspective, there’s a tendency to minimize problems, to make excuses for changed behaviors in children,” explained Ms. McCarthy. She noted, “Parents overlook the fact that the child’s experience with life is being changed, that he or she is facing a ‘new normal’.” The Parent Education Program is designed to help parents understand how life changes for their children and to learn what their children need from them as the family goes through the divorce process.
Under Connecticut law, parents who are involved in a court case regarding family issues and have one or more children under age 18 are required to complete the Parent Education Program. The Agency offers the six-hour course in two three-hour sessions on successive nights or as a full six-hour session on Saturdays, and parents can choose from sessions conducted in English or Spanish. Parents also can decide whether to be in a class together or attend classes separately. Clinicians with Masters degrees lead each session. The fee is $125 per parent, but fee waivers are available through the court.
Sessions generally focus on sharing ideas and guidelines for communicating with children involved in a divorce. Learning often occurs as parents respond to hypothetical situations and vignettes. Ms. McCarthy shared an example of a seven-year-old girl whose parents were divorcing. Both parents were worried about their daughter, who was becoming increasingly anxious and out of sorts as the date approached for her father to move out of the family’s home. Finally, the daughter admitted that she was afraid that her father would starve to death when he moved out, because she had never seen him cook any food. Convinced that he had to address her fear, the father arranged several meals with his daughter – sometimes they ordered in or ate at a restaurant, and sometimes they cooked and even baked together at home. Ms. McCarthy noted, “This really illustrates why we have to get the children to talk about their concerns, and we have to listen to them.”
“We also talk a lot in each class about what children do and don’t need to know,” explained Ms. McCarthy. She continued, “Adults’ reasons for ending a relationship can cause a lot of confusion in children. So, we try to focus on the importance of communication between each parent and his or her child, especially in this situation. The conversation is no longer about the adult relationship ending, but about co-parenting and keeping the relationship with the child as a high priority.”
For more information on the Parent Education Program, please call Family & Children’s Agency at (203) 855-8765 or visit the Website, www.familyandchildrensagency.org.
